crush

i have tried reaching out or making a connection but i just cant do it. i guess i'll just leave it as it is. crushes should remain as they should- exciting, flattering, and fleeting. a crush shouldn't come near the line nor cross the line to relationship or a romantic affiliation. ties destroy everything. i had three crushes in my lifetime, maybe four. haha. one for elementary, one for high school, one for college, and one i met at a street called tangent line. and each one is exciting. the nine-year old boy when we would incidentally hold hands in playing games on the school ground, the fifteen-year old guy saying hello to me with a smirk as i climb the stairs going to the venue for the prom, the twenty-year old man asking me if he can sit beside me during our meeting, the younger-than-me-but-looked-like -my-age guy asking where the venue is - these little details that make a mark in my brain and hang like portraits in the hallways of my heart that make every day youthful and stirring. it is what makes a crush special. it lasts without me trying to work hard for it to last. it fleets without me trying to surmount the grief from its fleeting. and it should stay like that not because he is not worthy to be someone to share a commitment with but because he is someone worthy to not be broken. a crush should remain as a crush - distant yet close, elusive yet exciting, and unreachable yet connected. it's ironically valuable without having a huge price to pay. it is better to keep it as it is. when love is almost easily gone and hardly found, crushes are there to stay in my heart, in a leaf of prose.